Here it is, kids.  The famed "Complete Guide to Hax0ring".  Read it. Live it. Love it.

Picking a handle By: DRiVE
In the famous words of joey " i need a handle ". This is true. Every great hax0r has a 31337 handle. I am going to help you pick the best one.
find a handle that at least 70 other people have such as acid , demon , rave ,and thug.
if you cant find one that alot of people have just make sure yours has alot of x's in it. That way people will really ph33r you . I mean everyone knows that people with x's in their handles are the best at hax0ring gibsons, this is because when you log into a gibson it messes it up because UNIX for Win95 wasnt made to recognize x's. So dont have something that makes sense , instead of something like DOC try Xdocx or xDxOxCx. This will let people know you are 31137.
Make it scary. Not something simple that describes you or anything about you but something nasty like hellgod or deathbringer , you know just so people will think you are l<00L.
Join a warez group or if you want to be really 31337 start your own i suggest the name W.M.A this stands for WaReZ MoBsTaS of AmErIcA ....this way everyone will know you listen to tupac and you are really in a gang and that if " Da TaLk SuM mO sHizNiT YoU Is gOnNa CoMe To Da HoUsE" then always ask for their address this will make them think you are going to come and shoot them. Anyways after you start you group make a rad ass tag to put on all your warez. Then send it out and this way people will know you are elite. I recomend sending a mass mail to tosemail1 , this waaay tosemail1 will tell all the guides not to fuck with you because you have a kick ass punter.
after you have a cool ass handle go into all the 2600 newsgroups and post alot of messages asking for loops and how to jackpot atms this way people will know what you are talking about.
now you have all the respect you could ever want just go into phreak and tell them you and your boyz can sk00L them.

Section 1: Getting Online   By: Orin
To get online from your house, you must first own a computer. You can find these at Garage Sales, Electronics Catalogs, or your friendly Radio Shack. Make sure to make it clear to the person you are purchasing the computer from that you are using it for hacking intentions. Once you have acquired a computer, check and see if it has a modem. A modem could be a small box with lights on it, and an outlet for a telefone jack, or a large telefone reciever on the back of your computer...Be careful, this fone may _only_ be used for calling other computers, and never for personal calls! Usually these fones are monitored by the police, so it would probably be your best bet to get an external modem, as there is no way the cops could listen in on an extension. Once you know you have a modem, you're close on your way to becoming a real hacker. The next thing you should do is get an account on America Online immediately; this is the hacker's playground, and you will meet many intelligent people there. To do this, it takes a little thinking. You should first get some AOL software. This is accomplished by going up to your friendly mailman and asking him for a complimentary AOL installation disk. The government gives mailmen these disks to pass out free to the public. Usually, the mailman will give you a short tutorial on the installation process (its widely known in the computer community that mailmen make the best hackers). After you have created your AOL account, it is important to think of a good Screen Name (see appendix for some suggestions). Now, you are almost there!

Section 2: Looking Cool By Orin
The most important thing about hacking is looking cool. If you look cool, people like you, and if people like you, you can fool them into letting you hax0r them. If they don't think you look cool, they're probably lamers anyway. Looking cool is accomplished by having a bad-ass attitude, and unique personal qualities like being a raver or a druggie. For instance, most people will think you are cool if you tell them you are female. They'll also think you're cool if you can make them ph33r you. But, the art of ph33r will come in later chapters, as it is an advanced hacking skill. Right now, just follow this simple rule of thumb for looking cool: Never talk about computers, and always throw in capital letters and numbers while typing. Oh and not to mention, in order to be a l33t0 hax0r j00 must be arrested at least several times, since being arrested can sometimes prove to be difficult. Try these methods. I. Pranking the FBI
ahh yes a personal favorite of mine, pranking the FBI always a fun past
time especially since they can't trace it or nothing.
II. Hax0ring your way into ATM's
Take a mini computer ( a name I do not know ) and attach it to the ATM
(a method I do not know). You get this mini computer through the blackmarket.
Then the way everything works is I don't know, but I sure got caught and I
sure stole $ 4,000 and AND the authorities sure THREATENED me with computer
probation *gasp*. I did it so long ago I don't remember the rest. If you
don't believe me just ask DCY he knows everything because after all he is a
13 year old 7'2" hacker!!!
III. Calling the police
Now call the police and tell them you know about a drug dealing mafia super
villian type that lives next door, then give them your address but make
absoluely certain you have enough proof of your evil schemes, such as a to do
list like so
1. Do dishes
2. Clean living room
3. Pick up groceries
4. Take over the world
5. Baby sit the neighbors kid
6. Torture neighbors kid
7. Kill neighbors kid
8. Hide neighbors kids body
Also make sure to have plenty of your mind expanding drugs and such lying
around so if all else fails they'll make sure to arrest you over these. On
the off chance they refuse to, scream things like "Hack the Planet" and
"Roswell! Where its at !!" Don't worry about making any sense, real hax0rs
don't make sence and babble incoherently for hours on end (similar to the
Unabomber's manifesto).
Now that you have acheived l33tness by being arrested, you can brag about
how you got arested and how the CIA, FBI, and PLO are after you (its common
knowledge that the palastinian liberation organization have a great interest
in bringing computer hax0rs to justice so they can cut your hands off thus
denying you the ability to type well with your fingers at least which is why
we included a guide to typing with your toes on the off chance you have
already been captured by the PLO).
Never ever forget to take pride in hax0ring the FBI and CIA with Fate X
9123213; this is very l33t and you should never hesitate to brag about your
acomplishments. If somene says they do not believe you, hax0r there ass by
punting them (covered more theroughly later on).
Other ways to look |< |2 /\ [) include scrolling, mass mailings,
punting, and lets not forget the power of ph33r, if you threaten to turn off
everyones fone, cable, power, etc, they will ph33r you. When you say this,
everyone will always take you seriously and will go out on there porch and
sit in the rocking chair cradling there shotguns and drinking Jack Daniels
waiting for you.
Also, all hax0rs are racist, sexist, apocolyptic bastards, so support your
local redneck crackhead klan or whatever you call the kkk. Never ever forget
to refer to women as pussy and remember you can buy love (ie prostitution;
because sex and love are exactly the same thing. Now, I may sound like I am
being sarcastic but I assure you I am not, if you have any doubts in my
l33tness ask CDJ he is very smart. (that left a bad taste in my mouth)
The last way to look cool (and these are the only ways) is to claim your
down with Kevin Mitnick, the mentor, or are a part of LOD. This contributes to
how much people will ph33r you, but if they ask you any questions about them,
either ignore them or be exceptionally vague becuase otherwise they won't
take you serious, becuase real hax0rs never have facts they just say stuff
like "Me and Kevin Mitnick are best friends, we hax0r Gibsons together".
This will impress everyone and give you instant coolness, l33tness, and most
importantly, make you look cool.

Section 3: The art of ph33r by DoomBug
Making People ph33r you doesn't come naturally. There is actually an art to it. To make people ph33r you, you MUST have a leeto burrito screen name first of all. (see appendix for some suggestions). Second you MUST ask question like "R there any good hax0rs here?!? Gimme a good Nua dial-up for Unix if u dare". Now that one is a MUST. Third, you will have to talk shit about people that call you a warez pup; when they do it, say something like "j0e m0mma!" then they will ph33r you also. Another helpful way to make people ph33r is getting out Fate X 99 1/2 and hax0ring away at AOL and hax0r chat rooms. Call people lame too.... See that wasn't hard at all, and people all ph33r you now. And NEVER EVER think you own sp0ck; ph33r sp0ck cause he owns YOU.

Section 4: The art of "fucking" by Cirrus
First, you must learn what you are trying to accomplish. If you have intentions to steal, break, or destroy, read no further. You can easily take over someones computer, (Well, ok, this is destructive) by obtaining thier IP address. Say, they are setting up an FTP server, or, just get them to tell you what it is. Now, you must get some kind of a program, and Ping them, to find out if the are lagging or not. Now, ( if they have an FTP ) you can kill there FTP by using a port fucker. Put it to "fuck" port 21 . If they don't have one, obtain a program called "WinNewk". That will just shut down thier computer to say the least, but, I will not get into how it works this time. You can also use a pinger, and ping the hell out of them, which can sometimes have the effect of a Nuke. Next time I will teach you how to clone a cellular fone with a pixy stick. Have fun!.. oh yeah, if I find out you were doing this shit to hurt something other than a Computer/Server/Host, like a teacher, or an old friend with a new PC, I will fucking beat your ass.

Section 5: Advanced AOL Hacking Techniques by IMP
After you have mastered basic |-|4><0|2ing skillz, you can move on to
advanced methods. The first thing ya gots ta do to be a master |-|4><0|2 d00d
is to go into a W4R3Z room and spend a minimum of 4238923487 hours a week in
there until you have every version of Fate available, plus 9 or more gigs of
pirated software. Now go into private room "Phreak" and offer to trade your
W4R3Z for other W4R3Z. It's very 1337 to assume that people will ignore you
when you only say it once, so a true |-|4><0|2 will scroll it about 13 times,
and as you should know by now, all in caps or LeeT0 WaReZ FoNT. If 3 seconds
go by and no one's responded in a positive manner yet, scroll it again, only
this time try 2 dozen times to make sure you get your point across. And a
true |-|4><0|2 always uses mucho punctuation. (ie: ANYONE WANNA TRADE QUACKE FOR DUCK NUKKEM?!??!?!?!?!!?!!) Now, often times if one of the lamerz who hang out in that room and ruin its general 1337ness happen to be there, they'll try to say some bullshit like
"This isn't a warez room." Well, don't listen to them, use one of your many
/<-Rad punters and show them who's 1337. Make sure you advertise the punter
10 or 20 times before actually trying to punt them, this way you'll make them
scared and they'll probably apologize and stuff, which will make everyone
else ph33r you. (See section 3) Occassionally when you try to punt them, you
get an error message that says their ims are off. No one is sure why this
happens, it's probably something wrong with aol. Maybe they'll fix it in the
next version, or maybe they're too lame to have ims!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROFLMFOAJFHJLOLOLOLQWXMIDHENDIHAMEHIDNDFIWQNXDKCHAIRDQWDHADSHCSALFWQLHQHDFJWFILFWJIFSDHHLOLDFSHIWEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK, but seriously, if your first punter doesn't w3rk, try 7 or 8 of your other punters. If it still doesn't work, just make fun of their mom and say they're gay!

Section 6: Phreaking
This section is on phreaking. Now, phreaking is fone hax0ring, and the first
thing you must learn to be a l33t0 phreaker is to substitute all f's with
ph's and all ph's with f's; until you have mastered this skill you are just
another lamer (like joey unless you do a righteous hack remember), also to be
a super duper phreaker you need some of the legendary colored boxes. To build
these boxes you need the following parts
Red Box- a box, red spray paint

Blue Box- a box, blue spray paint

Beige Box- a box, Beige spray paint
Now since these boxes ar so insanely difficult to construct we will take a
break so we can use our drugs and be a cool raver type. Becuase remember, all
supreme hax0rs are raver druggie types. its common knowledge. duh.

Section 7: Hacking with Fate™ by Fluxxie
Now this is the leetest stage there is. because Fate™ it the leetsest prog there is, a true foundation to the hacker community. There are many versions of Fate™, but its always good to have all the versions. (Little do people know, when you compile all the different source codes of Fate™ you have the security information to hack a Gibson, very very 31337.)
To get Fate™ go into a hacker private room, something like MM or even Fate™ (yes thats right, Fate™ even has its own room!) and start scrolling your request. People will be obliged to help such a worthy cause.
Now that you have obtained Fate™ you have to get a dial up, something like the FBI. You can find these number listed in your local phone book.
After you call them you may get what sounds like someone talking through your modem speaker. This is one of their secret tatics to make you think that you got a wrong fone number. Once this has happened you have made contact, remember this is an important part, so keep calling back.
Now the connection has been made start pushing all the buttons on the Fate™ screen. This may look like its not doing anything, but thats only the hidden screen so that nobody can see what you really doing. Which means its great to use this in school, or other open places.
Now that the steps have been completed get back on Amercia Online and tell everyone of your accomplishment. This will let them know how leet you are, and show them you are one to ph33r. (This will help you get all the chix0rs, see later sections.)

Section 8: HaX0ring your local Gibson by Mike
Any real haX0r will tell you that a Gibson is a huge supercomputer with amazing security. How do they know? How else? They watched "Hackers" and learned it all. Now, the trick is to find one of these. All you have to do is call your friendly FBI office and ask them for a Gibson dialup. Make sure your intentions are clear, or they'll lie to you. Next, go to Phreak and bug everyone asking if anyone can card you a laptop. When DCY is done ripping you off, take your laptop and magically hook it up to a payphone. I won't get into how to do this, because its too 31337 for a beginner. Now, all you have to do is use a phone dialing program and call the dialup. Once you've connected, Run in a cirle, stomp on the ground, strip naked and jump on top of the phone booth screaming to old women near you, "I AM DADE MURPHY!!! PH33R ME!!!" then get down, and turn your brand new laptop on and off about 400 times really fast. This should give you a mail port. If it doesn't, the Gibson doesn't properly ph33r you and you should get another number, but this time try calling the CIA. They're usually alot more friendly. Once you've successfully gained access, be sure to post all of your achecivements on your local Warez/HaX0r/p0lice BBS.
(VERY IMPORTANT.....Make sure your not wearing Nikes while trying this. I'm not sure why, but it has something to do with compatibilty.)

Section 9: Extended phreaking By Mr. Azure
"Real men use paperclips."
"This room's called leet for a reason." - Exodus##### from PR: leet
NOTE: If your worried about being caught, Please refer to the end of this article.
Alright, get all your little asses around here. Way back before you were making model airplanes, jerking off, and hax0ring, there where the Warriors of the Almighty Paperclip. Armed with only with a paperclip and the occasionaly back hoe, these brave adolscents would use the combined power of these menial tools and their intelligence to operate payfones in amazing ways. One of the most legendary and perhaps the best of the Warriors of the Almighty Paperclip was the vernerable and supreme uberpaperclipman, Timmy. When Timmy was 10, he was playing on his fathers construction site. Timmy, being the child prodigy that he was, figured out something amazing: if he took a paperclip, any old paperclip, and put it on the RT terminals (if the preceeding terms don't make sense, try doing what Timmy does in the coming sentances of wonder) he would not only be shocked and possibly burned, but that fone would NOT WORK WHILE THE PAPERCLIP WAS IN PLACE!! Timmy, because he was dropped on his head from a height of 10 feet at the age of 2, had a problem of not remembering. Foretunately for the phreak community at large, a 2x4 came shooting out of no wear and hit Timmy in his now mishapened head. That wonderous peice of flying wood cemented the paperclip into Timmy's memory*. So Timmy, who made a transformation comparable to that of Job's in The Lawnmower Man with a peice of wood, took his wheelchair to payfones, and using one of those illustrious paperclips, managed to...
WAIT! I hear you bitching!
You stupid old schooler! What the HELL does this have to do with me?!
Is THAT what your saying?
Well, not much, but it was a nice story.
Actually, if your scrawny asses have ever seen Wargames, you would know that kid with the bad haircut managed to get a free call with a paperclip. Alas, today, it is not as easy as it once was. See, back in Wargame's time, which, incedentally, for those who'd like to know when it was made, 15 years or so before the movie Hackers**, paynfones used to be easy to phreak. But NO MORE!
In the last phreaking article, you may of heard about the red box, the blue box, and the beige box. If not, well then drink some more cuervo, sit back, and enjoy the ride. For simplicity's sake, we'll start with a very useful box, the cardboard box. This is a relatively easy to make box, but you would be forgiven if the box wasn't completed in under a day. To make a cardboard box, you'll need: a big cardboard box, a red box, a car, and some hard liquor. The only two ingredients essential are the cardboard box and the hard liquor. Prefferably scotch. Speaking of hard liquor, in my next article, I'll be talking about old fashioned RPGs. Back to the subject at hand. If you have your cardboard box and your scotch, it's time you find a payfone. Once the payfone is reached, drink a quarter of the bottle of scotch. And not in those little girly swigs, I'm talking BAM! Then, after you get back up, take the receiver of the payfone and shove it through the top of the big cardboard box. Dial a random 800 number, for example. Then proceed to get underneath the box, and practice fone copulation with the operator you reach. At every minute, or when it feels best, continue to take large doses of the scotch. Remember: after this excursion, YOU MUST GO IN AOL AND SCROLL THIS ACCOMPLISHMENT! Otherwise, you really didn't phreak. And besides, the chix0rs and hax0rs'll never know of you then. And with cuspy bodies like they have, you can't miss out. I hope this file has been helpful, if not, well, thank the cuervo for that.
1. Paperclip - Metal peice, found in offices, used to hold papers together. Or that's what they want you to think. In actuallity, the paperclip is an invention by a grandmaster phr33k in the sky as a gift to all. (I met him once. He's a big boy, ya know. If you wanna meet him, try drinking some everclear and hitting your head against the wall after you wake up.) FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THE PAPERCLIP, PLEASE REFER TO TERM 5 IN THIS GLOSSARY.
2. AOL - America Online. Of all networks, this is the best. All of the truly leet hax0rs and phr33ks inhabit AOL. Please refer earlier in this file for more about AOL.
3. MST3k- Funny show. Watch it or die.
4. South Park- Funny show. Watch it or die.
*This didn't actually happen. The paperclip was still in Timmy's hand, but the thought of it was in his brain permenantly. **True k-radness is shown also in worshopping the movie Hackers. Thus, if you want to tell a fellow hax0r or phr33k a date, like if your birthyear 1984, you'd say "Oh, I was born 10 years before before Hackers came out."

Section 10: Chix0rs, and How to get them. By Orin
Chix0rs are one of the great rewards of being a truly 1337 hacker. The true hacker has all the chix0rs he desires as his fingertips. A chix0r is a female hacker. Of course, girls *can't* be hackers, but, its nice to have a few who pretend; it adds diversity to the hax0r community. A good way find out if there are any chix0rs around is to go into private rooms and ask around (i.e. "R THERE N E FEMALES IN DA ROOM?!?!!?!?!!@#!?"). I've heard there are lots of girls in a private room called Phreak, but, thats just a lame \\'aReZ room. So, after you have determined that there are indeed chix0rs inhabiting your room, its probably a good idea to win them over with your obviously 1337 charm. You do this by showing them who's boss. For example:
Xir0KewL: R THERE NE CHIX IN DA ROOM?!?!!@#!?!?!??!
Chix0r43: Argh, there they go again :-/
Xir0KewL: CHIX0R, R U FEMALE?!?!
Chix0r43: I am genderless.
. Chix0r43: eh?
Chix0r43: hehe, i bet he feels inadequate
As you can seel, Chix0r43 obvously wants Xir0KewL, and its just a matter of him punting her a few times to get her to see this. A large part of obtaining chix0rs is being ph33red (see Section 3). If you are ph33red by the chix0rs, it puts you one step closer to total hax0r domination (see Appendix).

Section 11: BBS hax0ring for dummies. By Cochise
The first step to hacking a BBS (Bulletin Board System) is to find the phone number for one. The best way to do this is to go to the best hacking resource there is, AOL. Go into all of the chat rooms, ecspecially the warez rooms, and scroll many times asking for a BBS number in your area code. IMPORTANT: you must scroll many times or you will not get a number. After you scroll it about 100 times people will think you are so elite that they will give you a BBS number. Another way to get a number is to subscribe to all of the hax0r mailing lists and newsgroups you can find and post many messages a day asking for a BBS number in your area code. You can also tell them your phone number, that helps out alot. And once you have the number the hard part is over.
The next thing you have to do is dial the number with your communication software. HyperTerrible™ is the best, but it only comes with Microsoft Unix 97, so use whatever you have. Once you connect login with a name like John Q. Phreak just so everyone knows that they should ph33r you (See Section 3). Once you get on download everything you can find, even if you dont know what it is. But dont be a leech, make sure your upload/download ratio is at least 300:1. Send messages to the sysop and tell him how "/<- r4D" he is and ask if you can upload your 31337 warez to the board (and do it anyways even if he says no). Become friends with him and find out a time when no one will be at his house. Then look up his address in the phone book (because being the l33t hax0r you are you already know his real name). Now this is where the real hacking begins.
Before you go hax0ring around you must have the proper tools:
1) Hard liquor (See Section 9)
2) An axe (more on this later)
3) Your laptop (of course you have a laptop youre 31337)
The next step is to go to his house (you may use tool number one at any time). Then you must find an exploit that will let you into his house (break in). If you can not find one, brute force hacking (with the axe ) is always good. Then make your way to the where the computer is. This is your moment of zen, you are now about to hax0r a BBS. The next thing you do is get the axe and hold it as far back as you can, then bring it down as hard as you can hacking the CPU, monitor, keyboard, mouse and any other computer parts you see. The last step in becoming a BBS Uberhax0r is to plug your laptop into the modem and immediatly sign on to AOL and start bragging about your accomplishment and letting everyone marvel in your glory so they know how lame they really are.

Section 12: Advanced Hacking Techniques by gat0r (ali)
DiScLaImEr: ThIs FiLe Is WrItTeN fOr InFoRmAtIoN pUrPoSeS oNlY-iF yOu GeT cAuGhT dOiNg AnYtHiNg IlLeGaL iT iZ n0t My FaUlT!@#$%@#$%.
INTR0: Yo, gat0r here, keepin it real. i wrote dis gizzit cuz i'm all about the phreedom of information. (well, i'm really not. if i cared about the phreedom of information i'd get a job at the public library. i really wrote this file to satisfy my ego and advance my social status in hacking circles. maybe someday a kewl looking hacker chick like acid burn will have sex with me.) topics discussed in hea will not be about encryption, sploits, protocols or any of that lame shit. what this is all about is what REAL hackers do: get inf0z.
PART_1: GeTtInG aCcEsS tO YoUr LiBrArY
Ok, hackers want information. they love information. info turns them on. Now, s'pose you suck. this shouldn't be hard. now let's s'pose you want to learn heard eggheads talk about it in chatrooms and it sounds elite. But wait! Silicon Toad doesn't have any good filez on it. you wanna know why? he sucks ass. but that's besides the point. A source of good info on unix would be your public library! i know, i know...they took away your library card for never returning _coping_with_being_a_loser_. But i figured out a way to help you get your info. just walk in, ask the librarian for books on unix (using the card cataloge is far too advanced for you right now) and then sit down and read it. Problems? Here's a list of what may have went wrong (btw- don't do these in the future):
-you went when they are closed.
-you went naked, cops arrested you, then anally raped your arse.
-all the metal shit on yer pierced face set off the stolen book detectors.
It's that easy. Now get some Kn0wLeDgE.
PART_2: GeTtInG iNf0z On PeOpLe
For some reason, knowing someone's name, address, telephone number, etc etc is real elite. Just ask s010 from CRH. In all his zines he gets inf0z on those sinnerz dorks. god damnit, this is so dumb i won't even write it. just use a f00kin telephone book. wow, i 0wN j00. i got your telephone numbers. look at me guys, i'm cool. damnit...alcohol is kiickin in. PART_3: Reading
Ok, i'm sober again. Reading is an important technique/skill hackers master. Being able to read helps you understand the words in book that give you elite k-rad knowledge. Call 1800-abcdefg for more info on how to read. once you learn how to read, you're all set.
ENDTRO: Fuck you all. seriously. each and every one of you. i 0wn you all. i am elite and you can all lick my balls. king kong size balls for that matter.