AOLTech***: Welcome to Member Help Interactive. Please present your question, and I will be with you in just a moment. :) Albadian: i just installed aol 3.0 for windows95 on my computer and now my computer keeps telling me that i need to recompile my kernel, what do i do? AOLTech***: You need to go to http://www.microsoft.com and download the kernel32.dll update for your computer. Albadian: but i am using a windows emmulator on my linux machine Albadian: i use the emmulator to run aol AOLTech***: Then I recommend you contact Microsoft or Linux, that is how you fix that error. :) Albadian: but linux is not a company Albadian: how can i contact them Albadian: ? Albadian: if i contact them it will be fixed? do they fix my computer online? AOLTech***: They are a software made by a company. You read your manuals to see who developed it and where their support it. Nothing is designed without support. Albadian: and why would i contact microsoft if im using linux? AOLTech***: Because you are getting a Microsoft error in a microsoft created file. Albadian: linux has no support because it is freeware Albadian: so linux kernels are made by microsoft? AOLTech***: Everything has support through those who develop it, they do not release it unto the world and say tough luck. kernel32 is NOT a linux kernel. Albadian: do you know linus torvalds? Albadian: i need to talk to him AOLTech***: No, since we will not make an AOL software for Linux, we are not required to know it. Albadian: well, linux has no official support because it is freeware Albadian: nobody is paid to do tech support for it Albadian: why doesnt aol make aol software for linux? Albadian: linux runs at least 75% of the internet AOLTech***: You would have to email screen name SteveCase, make it attention to the software developers, and ask them. Albadian: stevecase? does he make any of the software? Albadian: he looks like a technical guy AOLTech***: No, stevecase mail is where all mail to AOL goes, and is distributed to the right group. Albadian: does steve case know how to program? Albadian: i am just curious AOLTech***: I am not aware of his credentials. Albadian: oh, i bet he can help me Albadian: do you have his number? AOLTech***: I bet you will not get Linux support from AOL support either. No, I do not have his number, it is not available. Albadian: does steve case work for bill gates? AOLTech***: No Albadian: does he know bill gates? AOLTech***: No idea. Albadian: do you know bill gates? AOLTech***: Yeah, eat lunch with him on Fridays at the country club. Albadian: i think bill is a very smart fellow Albadian: really WOW!!!! Albadian: if i become a guide can i meet bill gates? AOLTech***: If you live in Redmond, Wa you can. Has nothing to do with guides. Albadian: ask bill if he knows steve next time you see him please Albadian: do you live in redmond? AOLTech***: I will, but I am talking about Bill Gates the Groundskeeper, we might be speaking of two different people. Albadian: no, i was talking about bill the groundskeeper too Albadian: is there another guy named bill gates? AOLTech***: Whew, good deal. Thought we were not communicating right. He is a pretty great guy for a hobo. I am sure there are a few others in the world. Albadian: why is bill a groundskeeper if he owns such a big company? AOLTech***: Pyramid Janitorial is not that big! Albadian: its not? Albadian: i thought it just bought out microsoft Albadian: hmm AOLTech***: Nope, only 5 employees. Not sure how he could acquire such a big company. Albadian: my stock broker was lying to me AOLTech***: Sounds like it. Albadian: well, i bet he can make lots of money mowing lawns in the summer AOLTech***: Probably, I did when I was a boy. Albadian: could you buy microsoft? AOLTech***: Microsoft Office maybe, the company; no. Albadian: i would not want to buy microsoft, id rather own burger king Albadian: well the office building is a start.... AOLTech***: Yeah, and I already know a good janitorial service. Albadian: janitors make good money AOLTech***: They sure do, almost as much as those people who hawk newspapers in the middle of intersections. Albadian: why would i want to be an engineer if i could make more money as a janitor? Albadian: my teacher tells me i should be an engineer AOLTech***: I know, foolish college people with their degrees! Albadian: because i know 6502 assembly language Albadian: she thinks it is as hard as pascal or something AOLTech***: I know, her and her Fortran training. Albadian: fortran is fun Albadian: i love making scientific programs Albadian: great fun at parties AOLTech***: Yep, and one day it will replace VB completely. LOL Albadian: vb is too hard, id rather do something easy like ada Albadian: who is ada anyway? Albadian: i hear she is fat Albadian: she is ooooold isnt she? AOLTech***: Yeah, anything that doesn't have those complicated 00000010000 schemes to it. They hurt my eyes. AOLTech***: Ada is the cooking lady at the other AOL building. Albadian: does she make biscuits? AOLTech***: When her goiter is not acting up. Albadian: goiter? Albadian: she works in a kitchen and she cant find enough iodine? AOLTech***: : an enlargement of the thyroid gland visible as a swelling of the front of the neck -- compare HYPERTHYROIDISM, HYPOTHYROIDISM Albadian: i know what a goiter is, i have a few AOLTech***: Sounds painful, a hot needle should reduce the swelling. Albadian: i collect swollen thyroids Albadian: me and her should start a goiter club AOLTech***: Could be a sound investment. Albadian: hot needles dont work as well as a power drill on complex goiters Albadian: do you think there is much hope in trading goiter futures? AOLTech***: Possibly, as long as you do not put too much into mutual funds. Albadian: hmm, i gotta put the kids through diesel school somehow you know AOLTech***: Truck drivers make a fair living. And they can legally drink and drive. Albadian: my girls are all fine mechanics AOLTech***: Enough to make a parent proud huh? Albadian: im darn proud Albadian: hey, isnt being an aol guide a sissy job? AOLTech***: Not too sure, I have never talked to them sissies. AOLTech***: LOL Albadian: are you one of them hax0rs? Albadian: my son is a hax0r he says AOLTech***: No, I am a genuine employee with the love of his company to guide him throughout his day. Albadian: could i ask you a big favor? AOLTech***: As long as I do not compromise the integrity of my company. Albadian: you own it? AOLTech***: Anyone with AOL stocks owns a part of the company. Albadian: well, would you do something for my grandma, little timmy? Albadian: she is sick and dying Albadian: make a wish will not do it for her Albadian: they are all communists i think AOLTech***: Communists led by Sally Struthers. Albadian: how did you know? are you a spy? AOLTech***: No, she gave me a personal rejection notice. Albadian: man, want me to get her for you? Albadian: ill get my son to hax0r her AOLTech***: That is ok, I do not think my wife would appreciate it too much. Thanks for the extension of kindness though. Albadian: oh ok Albadian: little timmy is getting worse AOLTech***: Well, cancer is now going to be cured within the month, maybe there is hope yet. Albadian: could you please say "N34t0 3l170 0wn5 (V)3!!!!!!!!!!!" for him? AOLTech***: Yes, I will say it outloud. My keyboard is missing the parenthesis keys and I am unable to copy and paste. Albadian: pleeeease Albadian: well do it without parenthesis then pleeeeease AOLTech***: Wouldn't Timmy be upset that it lost the aesthetic value in the loss of those keystrokes? Albadian: "cough, cough", says little timmy Albadian: replace the (V) with m then Albadian: a dying boy/girl cannot afford to be picky AOLTech***: N34t0 3l170 0wn5 (V)3!!!!!!!!! is ok. :) Albadian: little timmy and i thank you with all of our hearts Albadian: you are the kindest guide ever AOLTech***: I only hope that it is enough to allow him to continue yet one more day. Albadian: tech i mean AOLTech***: And the techs shudder at the guide slip. Albadian: i am going to send your employer a reccomendation to give you a raise Albadian: i am terribly sorry for calling you a tech Albadian: i was overwhelmed with excitement AOLTech***: I appreciate the recommendation, and I am sorry you inadvertently called a tech a guide, then slipped back to saying you accidentally said tech. :) Albadian: i am still quite overwhelmed by the excitement as little timmy takes his first steps in years due to your kind gift AOLTech***: As long as theprosthetics remain intact, may his heart consistantly favor the vigor of his keepers. :) Albadian: god bless you brother AOLTech***: I am happy to assist in what little way I can. Albadian: you are man of the year at my GED class Albadian: and all of my AA and NA meetings AOLTech***: I am happy to hear that. I only hope that the 12 steps toward better living have helped. Albadian: timmy has come off of smack completely AOLTech***: Good for him, it is especially hard for 3 year olds! Albadian: shure is Albadian: especially for inbred 3 year olds AOLTech***: That is true, I feel bad for kids who are stuck in loaves. Albadian: yeah, unless it is good bread AOLTech***: Yeah, rye is not too bad. Albadian: im going to build you a church Albadian: and a lot of sandwiches AOLTech***: If you could put a Taco Bell inside, it would be all the more appreciated. Albadian: and ill get lil billy to make you a keyboard interrupt handler Albadian: ill build the church out of taco bells Albadian: like a big taco leggo thingy AOLTech***: Sounds great, as long as no big breezes or Jenny Craigers come by. Albadian: ill put a sign outside that says "AOLTech***" only Albadian: and ill even punctuate it correctly for you AOLTech***: You are assuming those who would venture inwards are capable of literacy then. AOLTech***: Good call. Albadian: 40L 73cH *** Albadian: that is your new 31337 handle lil billy says AOLTech***: Thanks Billy, I will make sure to form a greeting at a later time in high ascii only and send it his way. Albadian: i must go now to start construction on your shrine Albadian: you can visit anytime at http://america.net/~cochise/ AOLTech***: I appreciate that, I will send a crew out to ensure there are no beggars theiving from the taco exterior. Thanks again! Albadian: well done Albadian: tell me what you think of your shrine when you see it AOLTech***: I will do that, I am sure it will live in my heart for decades to come as well as my screen. Albadian: also, visit the lovely cookie shrine while you are in the neighborhood Albadian: it will burn in to your screen so you will never forget AOLTech***: Cool, just like the old Pacman machines. Albadian: you are worshiped by all who worship you AOLTech***: And you are thought well of by those who think of you well. Albadian: speak not of me for you are the holy one my lord and savior AOLTech***: Ah my child, go easy, and with much grace. Albadian: god be praised AOLTech***: He is my child, he is. Albadian: i go with ease only with the help of your holy tacos AOLTech***: Holey? I knew those miscreants would get to them, I must be off to fend for the tacos! Albadian: i will fight for your cause Albadian: off we go now to defend the holy land!!!!! AOLTech***: Armed with only carne asade and a gordita, I ride into the night. Albadian: i, your faithful servant patsy, gallop alongside my glorious leader AOLTech***: In the meantime, I am wrapping up the end of my shift here, so big you adeu until a later time when we may ride together once more. Albadian: such an opportune time to visit your shrine Albadian: it pains me so but, fairwell AOLTech***: I will do so before I depart, in the meantime, farewell to arms. (they are a burden)