We realize the Secret Service can be confusing. Many people have no idea what it is they do. Others think they're not supposed to know because it's a secret. We hope to be able to dispel all of the myths and help to get the "secret" out of the Secret Service. After all, they've been doing a bang-up job wiping out the "service".

Did you know that the original goal of the Secret Service wasn't to protect living presidents, but rather, dead ones? And it wasn't until three living presidents *became* dead that the Secret Service was given the job of discouraging this?

Did you know the head of the Secret Service was appointed on Pearl Harbor Day and has a wife named Sandy?

Did you know that Bill and Hillary Clinton will get Secret Service protection for the rest of their lives but Chelsea is up the creek?

Find out why the White House Police disappeared.

See "secret" codenames used by the Secret Service to prevent us "ordinary citizens" from knowing what they're talking about! (Careful - people have gone to PRISON for having lists like this. But they were probably enemies of the state or else how could they have wound up in prison?)

"Ordinary citizens" like us can help the Secret Service by reporting *anything* suspicious to them.

At long last, you can see if the Secret Service has an office in your town so you can call them to report anything suspicious, or, if you're a suspicious person yourself, you can just drop by.

For your listening pleasure, a list of every known Secret Service radio frequency is provided along with an explanation of which are used for what and, when available, what offices use which frequencies. (Careful - people have gone to PRISON for having lists like this. But they weren't people like us or else how could they have wound up in prison?)

Did you know that Bill Clinton and Al Gore are the only two people in the world who can't tell the Secret Service to get lost? (We're not counting people who are ARRESTED by the Secret Service but, as we all know, they lost their "ordinary citizen" privileges as soon as they got the Secret Service angry at them.)

Did you know that all Secret Service Special Agents are born in Glynco, Georgia?

Did you know that in nearly all Secret Service brochures, the first benefit mentioned is retirement? Did you know the last is promotion?

Finally, you'll have the chance of learning where others made mistakes. See how quickly you can become a threat to society by taking pictures of Secret Service agents in your own office! Or even in public areas. With the number of Secret Service agents prowling around, you should be careful where you point your lens. If you have security cameras around your home or office, you are at particular risk of capturing a forbidden image if you are visited. People who use live cameras that broadcast to the entire Internet are just asking for trouble. Pictures like the ones we have here are exactly what we're talking about.

HEAR ABOUT THE SECRET SERVICE IN THEIR OWN WORDS (NEXT PAGE)

A GUIDE TO ALL KNOWN SECRET SERVICE LAIRS. (SS LOCATION PAGE)

THE FREQUENCIES USED BY THE SECRET SERVICE (SS FREQUENCY PAGE)

SECRET CODENAMES FOR PEOPLE, PLACES, AND THINGS (SS CODENAMES PAGE)

SECRET SERVICE PHOTO ALBUM (SS PICTURES PAGE)

TEXT FOR SECRET SERVICE IN THEIR OWN WORDS PAGE:

AN INTRODUCTION TO THE SECRET SERVICE (SS_INTRO)

THE SECRET SERVICE LEADER (SS_HONCHO)

THE SECRET SERVICE STORY (SS_STORY)

THE COOPERATIVE EDUCATION PROGRAM (SS_EDUCATION)

SECRET SERVICE PROTECTION (SS_PROTECTION)

PROFESSIONAL, ADMINISTRATIVE, AND TECHNICAL EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES (SS_EMPLOYMENT)

SECRET SERVICE CLERICAL OPPORTUNITIES (SS_CLERICAL)

SPECIAL AGENTS (SS_AGENT)

UNITED STATES SECRET SERVICE UNIFORMED DIVISION (SS_UNIFORM)

(there is a picture of the Leader on the USSS home page if you want to use it for SS_HONCHO)

TEXT FOR SS LOCATION PAGE:

We sent our scouts out searching for the Secret Service and they came back with reports of Secret Service offices everywhere! Here's what we have so far. If you have an office in your town that we somehow missed, we want to know! You can email us at secrets@2600.com. We provided frequencies used at local offices when we could find them.

TEXT FOR SS FREQUENCY PAGE:

From a variety of sources, every known frequency used by the Secret Service. Where possible, we list what the frequency is used for and/or by which division. Send any updates or corrections to secrets@2600.com.

TEXT FOR SS CODENAMES PAGE:

Although the Secret Service has used possession of this information as proof that an individual is a threat to society, we had little difficulty tracking it down. Since doing this made us an immediate threat, we felt the best thing to do would be to get as many people involved as possible. Now millions of people from all over the world can see this information which makes each of them as much of a threat as we are. Since every move you make is probably being monitored, you're best off getting at least ten others to access this page to cover your trail. And remember to speak only in code.

TEXT FOR SS PICTURES PAGE:

This is a dangerous place to be. The main reason Bernie S. was thrown in federal prison had nothing to do with possession of crystals or hardware or software. He wasn't held without bail because of his electronic gear or even the books the Secret Service found in his home. It all centered around photos that Bernie had of undercover Secret Service agents visiting a friend's office. Those photos made their way to a 2600 meeting where a Fox TV crew was filming. Secret Service Agent Tom Varney and his cohorts have used the existence of these pictures as proof that Bernie S. was up to something and posed a major threat to society. They've also done a pretty good job of intimidating others into not taking more pictures. Now at last you can see what all the fuss was about as well as have a good look (well, the best we could manage) at the persons responsible for this whole charade.

Caption 1: Two agents step right in front of the camera.

Caption 2: One agent picks his nose, something the Secret Service strongly disapproves of.

Caption 3: Tom Varney of the Secret Service (right) with Haverford Township Detective John Morris in tow. Both had just testified that Bernie S. was still a major threat to society even after eight months of prison. Morris, incidentally, was the detective who threatened a Temple University student with legal action for criticizing the arrest of Bernie S. over the Internet.