SARAH PALIN TO KEYNOTE AT HOPE X

We promised you a household name who has changed history. We're delivering.

Why Sarah Palin? (Yes, there are still people out there who don't see the strong connection between Sarah Palin and the hacker community, so we must address this rather naive question.) The simple fact is that nobody embodies the spirit of hacking better than the former governor of Alaska. Amazingly, no other hacker conference has managed to book her - until now.

From the beginning, hackers have battled representatives of national intelligence in the fight for more transparency. Palin, too, has battled intelligence throughout her history.

The "Hacker" name has been tarnished by that nasty British regicide Francis Hacker, leading many to believe that hackers exist for the sole purpose of executing kings. (It's actually quite far down the list.) Similarly, the "Palin" name has been dominated by that nasty British comedian Michael Palin, leaving many with the mistaken belief that Sarah Palin was actually part of an extended Monty Python sketch. (We can assure you that she's very, very real.)

Both "Hacker" and "Palin" are two syllable words with the same second letter and a total of two vowels, each of which is pronounced in the same rhythm.

Still not convinced? Then come to HOPE X this summer and see for yourself.

Palin's keynote address will likely focus on the threat facing the Internet with the recent announcement that the United States government will no longer control it through the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN). "Evidently relinquishing America's control of the Internet via our ICANN control of domain names was what Obama meant when he led his adoring followers in those strange, kind of creepy chants of 'Yes-We-Can,'" she says. Her address is titled "How Can the Internet Serve the World If the U.S. Government Isn't in Charge?"

In addition, we expect to hear more about PaliNet, the proposed alternative to the Internet that will automatically weed out socialist and anti-family messages and opinions. "The existing Internet has become a cesspool of degenerate opinions and nasty language," she said at a recent press conference. "Considering Al Gore invented it, who here is surprised?" (Nobody was.)

Following Palin's keynote address, the HOPE X staff will have a special awards ceremony where she will be presented with her new gov.palin@yahoo.com password by the president of Anonymous.